Tuesday, March 08, 2005

My own personal Hell...

I’m just tired of writing about bad stuff. I tripped and fell and broke blood vessels in my knee and I’m black and blue and swollen from my knee to ankle. Every day a new black and blue mark blooms. Yesterday my ankle was so swollen after work that I had a “cankle”.

I’ve been to the doctor. I’m starting to think I should have them on retainer. I have to stay off it as much as possible and keep moist heat on it too. But having to be here at work is really hindering the healing process. The problem is, that with the sprained ankles and broken toe and the bronchitis, I have no sick time left. So I have to be here. I refuse to take vacation to heal.

My friends have decided that I need a drastic change; possibly moving to a new city. My brother is moving to NC, two towns over from where my parents retired. So that leaves my brother and sister-in-law and the kids here near me. I just wanted to live near my family. I don’t really want to move away from my nephews. Right now, they are the only people who can make me laugh. They’re my bright spot. Yes I know I need other bright spots.

I was at a party the other night and as I was mingling I started to talk to two other women who were coming up with their “dream life”. I had no idea what my dream life would be. I can’t even dream. I have no idea of what I want out of my life. Let’s not even discuss how to get it.

On another note – I found out yesterday that the guy I had been seeing last year, who broke up with me for someone who is kind of ugly and who treated him horribly, has become a total fucking pig. He tried to barter home computer maintenance (his side business) for sex, from a woman who has been his friend for a long time and who we both work with. Not only that but as he was fixing her computer, he was chatting with her about how many women in the new company he works for he’s wants to “do”. And then he hits on this woman?!? What is wrong with him?

More importantly – what is wrong with me for being so upset that he dumped me? I don’t want to be with anyone like the person he is now. Not to mention – he is a fucking idiot if he didn’t think his antics from this weekend wouldn’t get back to me. What a moron. Why did I let him hurt me? Why do I continue to let him hurt me?

I guess I need to do some constructive day dreaming while staying off my leg.

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