Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Meeting men when you're my age

It's not an easy thing. I've done the on-line dating thing on and off for the past 5 years. I met a guy that I dated for almost a year on one of those sites. After that I had a few dates here and there. I never met the match of my dreams on any of the sites that have "personalized personality matching".

The thing that's the hardest for me is that I don't look anything like my photos. I mean - I look like my photos, but I don't look really good in my photos. Then there is my age. I'll be 45 in a few months, but I don't think or act like a 45 year old woman. I get all the old geezers answering my ads (55-65 year old men). I refuse to lie on my ad and say I'm younger than I am to meet someone who is more like I am.

I also refuse to say my body type is anything but what I am. I do not have a "few extra pounds", I have a lot of extra pounds. So I think maybe the combination of being honest in my profile and not finding what I want in any of the guy's profiles has soured my attitude about on-line dating.

This is a long preamble to what happened to me on Saturday. I was grateful that the water meter dude was done by 1PM. I headed out the door so I could get some necessary items (hair dye and a new flapper thingy for my leaky toilet) and some unnecessary things like like Peaches & Cream yarn, two t-shirts and maple syrup. There is only one place you can get all that - Wal-mart. I know there is a big anti Wal-Mart movement, but one stop shopping was what I needed right then.

I load up on yarn, pick up the toilet flapper thingy and head to the hair dye section. There is a little old lady staring intently at my brand of dye, so I look at the hair clips and bands and brushes that are on the opposite side till she is done and moves on, which she eventually did. I moved in and picked up my color. Before I could turn around, she is next to me. "Can you help me find Light Ash Blonde?"

I point it out on the shelf for her and she said thank you and then she launches into a long and rambling conversation some of the highlights of which are:

She fell when she was trying to put a blanket back on the bed to cover her boyfriend and cracked open her head. This was complete with a show-&-tell of the cut on the back of her head and a query on whether or not she should wait till it healed to dye her hair.

She informs me that she is 76 and her boyfriend is 81. She will put up with him, even tho he can be mean when his blood sugar drops from the diabetes, because he is handy around the house.

She runs her hands over the very flat front of her shirt and says "I didn't even put my breasts on today."

She lost a daughter to cancer.

I am very pretty and she can't believe I am single.

She has a neighbor who is a great guy in his 40's and I'd be perfect for him (how she knew this I don't know because I hadn't said more than 3 sentences).

She is going to throw a singles party and she wants me to come to meet her neighbor.

She owns two units in her condo development and rents one out.

Her boyfriend almost killed her when they went to Colorado and he drove off the highway into a ditch.

Believe me - there is more but these are the highlights.

Her parting wisdom is... Men only love you when they are horny. Ok maybe not her parting wisdom because she went on about cheating boyfriends she has had.

I think I spent about 45 minutes with her. Standing in the aisle listening to her go on and on and on. I figured the only way to conclude the conversation was to give her my business card and tell her I had to go fix the toliet which was partially disassembled on my bathroom floor.

So, I have a little old lady who lives 3 towns over working on getting me a man. Heh, heh! I hope she remembers to put her breasts on for the party.

1 comment:

Dorothy said...

Too funny!! The things people can come up with sometimes! I can just picture her, walking out the door, breastless, wondering what she forgot to do today!!

Good luck on finding a good man. I found mine by checking out the fellows who weren't born and raised in the town I live in. I wish I could help, but, unless you know any Newfoundlanders I can't help. Maybe consider a holiday to Newfoundland. Friendly people and a lot of the men like women with a little meat on their bones.