I do?

Remember way back at the end of last summer, there was this guy who was sort of in the picture, but then I didn’t mention him because it didn’t really work out? Well he’s always been in contact with me because according to him, we’re friends.

This is my routine with him because he makes me mental. He calls and I let him leave messages. Then every fourth or fifth call I’ll answer and chat with him because the male attention is kind of nice every now and then. Last night was one of the calls I answered. I told him a little about what’s been going on here at the office and that I was looking for another job. He thought it should be easy for me to find something.

OK, he drives a truck and makes deliveries all day (he’s our Fed Ex guy), so he doesn’t really get the world of expendable help. I explained to him that in my kind of position, companies prefer to hire temp to perm and if they can get away with it, a long term temp. I’m not saying that direct hire permanent Admin positions aren’t out there, they are. Just few and far between.

Anyway, I tell him that I need the health insurance, so I can’t take a temp job because I can’t afford the cobra. This is when I could smell the wood burning. I could practically hear him thinking from 4 towns away.

“I’ll marry you for like a year and put you on my insurance.”
“HUH???”
“Yeah, but I’ll need something in return.”
“HUH???”
“Like 20% of the equity of your condo”
“Forget it!”
“OK, how about sex 3 times a week?”
“How about I’ll pay the difference in your health insurance costs?”
“Sex three times a week is a win/win for you.”
“OK, you got me there. Pick a date and we’ll go to Maryland and get hitched.”

Now, I’m just playing along. I’m pushing his buttons when and where I could because this is the worst idea in the history of bad ideas. Besides, I know he isn’t serious at all. He hasn’t even asked me out on a proper date and here he is proposing. I can hear him trying to get out of this…

“No, we’ll go to Vegas!”
“We can’t afford to go to Vegas.”
“But I want it to be fun and special.”
“OK, you buy the tickets and we’ll go.”
“You quit your job then I’ll buy the tickets.”
“Oh no. I don’t quit the job till I have some security. So you have to buy the tickets and marry me, then I’ll quit my job.”

Dead silence.

“I’m feeling kinda backed into a corner here.”
“You put yourself in the corner. Don’t blame this on me.”

I’ve been proposed to twice in my life. Once when I was in High School and that was a big ole NO, and this time. I want better than a half-assed-sorta-hey-ya-wanna-but-I’m-totally-kidding proposal.

But if I get desperate enough, maybe I will take him up on it. (kidding!)